It was February 11, 2016 (Thursday) then.
My phone had just reminded me that I have to get out of my bed, start the day and take up where I left off last night – pending documents, unchecked to-do list, and scattered virgin Pharma transes. I go straight to bed when I really feel sleepy regardless if I have finished the things I have to do or not. This is simply because I know that I can just wake up early in the morning to continue, with ease and confidence in knowing that my alarm clock will save me. Haha. 🙂 This time, I even posted a sticky note on my laptop just in case my memory would not serve me right. With only an eye open, I looked at the time; it was 4:25 am.
“Maaga pa.” I told myself.
I then hit the snooze button. And the set times in my alarm clock are those of 15-minute interval. 🙂
“Kulang pa. Huhu. Inaantok pa ‘ko.”
I covered myself with blanket and hit the snooze button again. Then after 3 snoozes, I got up and went to the bathroom for my morning pee. I was still groggy while peeing, and so I decided to tilt my head and lean on a wall near the toilet. And little did I know, I fell asleep for about 5 minutes while I was on a toilet seat. I sat on my bed and gave my bed a good stare. It was so soft and comfy I could not resist and so I lied down this time facing my desk. For a moment, I stared at my desk and all the cluttered pieces on it. I then took a deep sigh. Closed my eyes and in my mind I prayed,
“Lord, ang dami ko pa pong gagawin. Di ko pa po nagagawa yung part ko sa trans. Di pa po ako nakakapag-aral sa Pharma. Di pa po ako nakakagawa ng script for our Bioethics video, shooting na daw po mamaya. Di ko pa po sigurado if naapprove na po yung letter for our org event later. Di ko pa po nagagawa yung certificates for the speakers pati po yung introduction nila. Huhu, dapat po ata dinelegate ko na ‘to sa iba, ako po kasi yung nahihirapan ngayon. I should take note of that. Huhu, umaga na po. Pero sobrang pagod at inaantok pa po ako, ayoko pa po bumangon.”
I was about to fall asleep then. That, I was very sure of. But just as I was about to fall into yet another deep slumber that time, a thought suddenly appeared in my mind as if a voice had just spoken to me. It was so clear and distinct. It said,
“Who is your source of strength?”
Who is my source of strength?
From a lying position, I then sat on my bed, processed things until finally I came to my senses. Tears just started welling up in my eyes. Then and there I’ve been hit by a realization that I’ve been depending on my own strength. I’ve been depending on myself who is limited. How can I ever forget that I should be depending on God more? How can I ever forget that the source of my strength is God?
Because if I rely on my own strength, I will be easily exhausted.
Weary to the core.
But when I depend on God’s, I am fueled.
Driven to the core.
It also reminded me of one of my favorite bible verses, of which I have placed as a label for all of my books for this school year.
At times like this when there are so many things to do with so little time, I remind myself of that particular day – that certain message I have received with such perfect clarity. My body may become physically tired but inside me, my soul isn’t because the strength that God is capable of providing is limitless and boundless. And that despite everything that’s happening now, I find inner peace and comfort in knowing that God sustains, God is able and God is in control.
I believe it was His way of giving me a gentle nudge that fateful morning, and of which, I am truly grateful for. And it was grace that I have felt and received, and it is also by the same grace that I am able to share this message to you.
Let us remember that we, humans, are limited and bounded. And we can only do as much. But with God, all things are possible. 🙂